Gotham never changes. Crime is everywhere. And now, I’m being sued.

Some low-level criminal was out stealing catalytic converters—probably to fund his next bad decision. I stopped him. Maybe a little too hard. And now, instead of sitting in Blackgate where he belongs, he’s suing me for assault.

I should’ve seen this coming. But now the real question is:

Can I write off my legal fees?

Are Legal Fees Tax-Deductible?

The IRS has very specific rules on this, and unfortunately, they don’t have a section for “vigilante justice.” Here’s how it breaks down:

1. Personal Legal Fees? Not Deductible.

• If I were an ordinary citizen (which I’m not), defending myself against an assault claim wouldn’t be tax-deductible.

• The IRS classifies these as personal legal expenses, and those can’t be written off.

• Apparently, stopping crime isn’t considered “ordinary and necessary” for tax purposes.

2. Business-Related Legal Fees? Maybe Deductible.

• If this lawsuit is framed as an attack on Wayne Enterprises, then legal fees might count as a business expense.

• If I argue that my “security work” (aka crime-fighting) is an extension of WayneTech’s private security division, then I have a case.

• Lucius Fox is already annoyed with me for even suggesting this.

3. Charitable or Nonprofit Deduction? Unlikely.

• If the Batcave were an official nonprofit crime-fighting foundation, I could potentially write off certain expenses.

• But since I never file paperwork and refuse to turn the Justice League into a 501(c)(3), this is a dead end.

So What’s the Plan?

• Pay the legal fees out of pocket. Fine. Whatever.

• Countersue for damages. (I won’t win, but I want to make his life miserable.)

• Lobby for crime-fighting tax exemptions. (Unlikely, but it’s worth a shot.)

Final Thoughts

Apparently, stopping criminals is one thing. Making it tax-deductible is another.

If Gotham’s legal system worked properly, this wouldn’t even be an issue. But instead, I’m stuck in court, paying legal fees, while some thief plays the victim.

Maybe next time, I’ll let the catalytic converters go.

… No, I won’t.