Crime in Gotham doesn’t pay—but driving for Uber does.

Between Batcave maintenance, Batarang restocking, and covering for Robin’s terrible financial decisions, I needed a way to offset the costs. So I started driving for Uber. In the Batmobile.

It turns out, people will pay a lot for a ride in a high-tech, armored crime-fighting vehicle. But now I have a new problem—the IRS wants their cut.

Here’s how I’m handling it.

Step 1: Reporting Uber Income

Uber doesn’t take cash. All payments go through the app, which means there’s a digital trail. That means I have to report it as self-employment income on my tax return.

• If you make over $600 driving for Uber, they send you a 1099 form.

• Uber reports this to the IRS, so trying to “forget” it isn’t an option.

• Since I’m technically a “contractor” for Uber, I have to pay both income tax and self-employment tax (15.3% for Social Security & Medicare).

Step 2: Writing Off Batmobile Expenses

The only good news? Business expenses reduce taxable income. And when you drive a military-grade supercar, the expenses add up fast.

Here’s what I’m deducting:

✔ Mileage – The IRS allows a standard mileage deduction (around $0.65 per mile). Considering Gotham’s size, that adds up fast.

✔ Repairs & Maintenance – Batmobile needs constant upgrades. Reinforced tires? Deductible. Bulletproof windshield? Deductible. EMP shielding? Technically, a security expense.

✔ Insurance – Uber drivers need extra insurance. Batmobile insurance is… expensive. The deduction helps.

✔ Snacks for Riders – Alfred stocked the Batmobile with protein bars. Business expense.

🚫 What I Can’t Deduct:

• Grappling hooks and ejector seats – Uber doesn’t allow “weapons.” (Ridiculous.)

• Rocket boosters – Even though they save gas in the long run.

Step 3: Setting Aside Money for Taxes

Uber doesn’t withhold taxes like a normal job, so I have to do it myself. That means:

• Setting aside 30% of earnings for estimated taxes every quarter.

• Filing Schedule C for self-employment income.

• Making quarterly tax payments so I don’t get hit with penalties.

Final Thoughts

Driving the Batmobile for Uber seemed like a good idea at first. Easy money. But after calculating taxes, expenses, and Gotham’s terrible tipping culture, I might just stick to crime-fighting.

At least the IRS doesn’t audit vigilantes… yet.