I fund the Justice League. I house them, train them, cover their mistakes, and handle their problems. Sounds a lot like parenting, doesn’t it?

So when tax season rolled around, I had a thought:

Can I claim the entire Justice League as dependents?

I checked the IRS guidelines. Apparently, I can’t. But if they really understood what I deal with, they’d reconsider.

The IRS’s Dependent Rules (And Why They’re Stupid)

The IRS says a dependent must be:

✔ A qualifying child (Clearly not applicable, even if some of them act like children.)

✔ A qualifying relative (We’re not related, but tell that to my stress levels.)

✔ Relying on me for financial support (Now we’re getting somewhere.)

A dependent must also:

• Live with you for at least half the year (The Watchtower counts, right?)

• Rely on you for more than 50% of their financial needs (I definitely cover that.)

• Make under $4,700 a year (This is where it falls apart. Thanks, Wayne Enterprises funding.)

My Case for Claiming the League as Dependents

1. They Depend on Me Financially

• Superman doesn’t have a salary. He’s living off Daily Planet wages, which barely cover rent.

• Flash eats more than a small army. Guess who funds that? Me.

• Green Lantern? Technically a space cop, but do you think the Guardians offer a 401(k)?

2. I House and Equip Them

• The Watchtower? I paid for it.

• The Batcave? They crash here whenever there’s a problem.

• Gear, vehicles, training simulations? All funded by me.

3. I Handle Their Paperwork

• I’ve been fixing their tax mistakes all year.

• I’m bailing them out of financial disasters.

• I am, effectively, a single father to a group of reckless, superpowered children.

Why the IRS Would Reject My Claim

• Superman has a job (Even though I subsidize his actual superhero work.)

• They technically don’t “live with me” (Even though they’re always here.)

• They make too much money (Green Arrow’s investments ruin everything.)

Final Thoughts

Fine. The IRS says I can’t claim the Justice League as dependents. But if they ever audit me for spending millions on “nonprofit crime-fighting expenses,” they’d better be prepared for a very long explanation.

Because if raising and funding a team of overgrown, reckless, superpowered liabilities doesn’t qualify me for tax breaks, then nothing should.