Look, I get it. Running an intergalactic peacekeeping operation isn’t cheap. But when Hal Jordan starts throwing around “business expenses” like he’s shopping on an unlimited credit card (which, let’s face it, he kind of is), someone has to step in. And that someone is me.
The Green Lantern Corps isn’t a tax-exempt charity, Hal. Just because you save planets doesn’t mean you get to deduct every cosmic latte and space cruiser upgrade on your Earth-based tax return.
🧾 Let’s Break Down Hal’s Ridiculous Deductions:
💚 1. “Personal Energy Ring Maintenance” – $12,000
Hal claims maintaining his power ring is “vital business upkeep.” Listen, that ring is fueled by willpower, not quarterly maintenance checks. Nice try.
💚 2. “Sector 2814 Interplanetary Travel” – $56,000
Yes, travel for work is deductible—but only if it’s necessary and documented. Visiting Oa for mandatory meetings? Fine. Detouring to space beaches on Risa? Not fine, Hal. Those margaritas aren’t business-related.
💚 3. “Alien Diplomacy Dinners” – $18,000
If you can’t produce a receipt or explain why you had to wine and dine a sentient rock creature at a five-star restaurant, the IRS is going to have questions. And so do I.
💚 4. “Construct Supplies” – $7,500
This man tried to deduct an expense for “mental visualization training courses” to improve his ring constructs. Hal, just admit you wanted to expense your gym membership.
🧨 Why This Matters (And Why I’m So Irritated)
💢 The IRS isn’t impressed by glowing rings and heroic speeches. They want documentation, legitimate business purposes, and receipts that don’t come from shady alien diners.
💢 Business expenses must be “ordinary and necessary.” Fighting intergalactic threats? Necessary. Renting a penthouse on Earth “for focus”? Not so much.
💢 Even superheroes aren’t above tax law. And I know because I’ve had the Batmobile deduction denied more times than I care to admit. (Apparently “emergency crime-fighting transport” isn’t a good enough reason.)
🦇 Tips for Heroes (And Hal) Trying to Avoid an Audit:
✅ Document EVERYTHING: If you’re buying alien tech or attending galactic conferences, keep the receipts. The IRS doesn’t take your word for it.
✅ Separate Personal from Business: Just because you fought a villain on Mars doesn’t mean your post-battle spa treatment is deductible.
✅ Ask a CPA (Not Me): I don’t have time to sort through Hal’s expense reports. That’s what professionals are for.
😤 Final Thoughts
Hal, I know paperwork isn’t as exciting as saving planets, but the IRS doesn’t care if you’re the universe’s chosen defender. They care about compliance. You can’t just wave your ring and make tax liabilities disappear. Believe me, I’ve tried.
Get your act together. Or don’t—just don’t expect me to bail you out when you’re audited.