
You’d think Gotham’s biggest threats would be people like the Joker, Bane, or even the Penguin. But no. Turns out, the IRS is the most ruthless organization in existence.
Case in point: They took down Catwoman.
Not with handcuffs. Not with a rooftop chase. Not with some elaborate legal battle.
They got her the way they got Capone—for tax evasion.
And frankly? I’m not even mad. I warned her.
The One Rule Even Criminals Have to Follow
Gotham’s criminals are a creative bunch. They steal, extort, and run elaborate scams that somehow never involve filing a single tax return. This is a mistake.
Because no matter how skilled you are at avoiding Gotham PD, you cannot outrun the IRS.
Selina Kyle—Catwoman—was careful. She covered her tracks. She laundered her money through shell companies and “luxury imports.” She even paid cash for everything to avoid a paper trail. But you know what she didn’t do?
Report her income.
And that’s what got her.
How the IRS Caught Catwoman
Here’s the thing: the IRS doesn’t need a smoking gun. They don’t need to catch you in the act of stealing priceless jewels or robbing billionaires (like me). All they need is to look at the numbers.
And Catwoman made a few big mistakes:
1. She Owned Too Many Expensive Things – The IRS noticed that someone with no reported income somehow managed to own multiple luxury apartments, a collection of designer clothing, and a rare Bengal tiger (don’t ask).
2. Her “Business” Didn’t Add Up – On paper, she ran an “import/export business.” In reality, the only things she imported were stolen artifacts, and the only things she exported were my patience.
3. She Tried to Dodge Audits – The IRS doesn’t like it when you ignore their letters. And Catwoman? She shredded them. Literally. With her claws.
That was enough for them to flag her, audit her, and eventually charge her with tax evasion.
Why This Is Hilarious (And Also Terrifying)
The best part? They didn’t even need me to catch her. No batarangs, no rooftop fights—just a bunch of accountants in bad suits sending increasingly aggressive letters until she had no choice but to surrender.
And let’s be clear: Catwoman has escaped some of the best security systems in the world. But you know what she couldn’t escape? A federal tax lien.
The IRS is Gotham’s real crime-fighting force.
What Can We Learn From This?
1. Even Criminals Have to Pay Taxes – If you steal millions but don’t report something, the government will come for you.
2. Laundering Money Is Harder Than It Looks – The IRS can spot fake businesses from a mile away. Just because you slap a “LLC” on something doesn’t mean it’s legit.
3. Never Ignore an IRS Letter – Even if you think you can fight your way out of anything, you can’t fight the tax code. Not even with razor-sharp claws.
Final Thoughts: The IRS Is Scarier Than Me
The moral of the story? Don’t mess with the IRS. You can be the best thief in Gotham, but if you don’t follow tax laws, you’re done.
I chase criminals across rooftops, but the IRS just sends a letter and waits. And they always win.