I thought I had enough problems. Criminals. Corruption. Running Wayne Enterprises while also single-handedly saving Gotham every night.

But no. Now I have to deal with the Gotham City Tax Assessor’s Office.

I just got a property assessment notice, and let me tell you, I am not happy.

What’s a Property Assessment and Why Am I Mad?

A property assessment is when the city evaluates how much your property is “worth” so they can charge you more taxes.

Apparently, some bureaucratic parasite decided that Wayne Manor—and, by extension, the Batcave—is worth even more than last year. Why? Because they can.

Translation: My property taxes just went up.

The Infuriating Reasons Why the Value Increased

✔ “Recent Renovations” – Oh, you mean the reinforced underground lair upgrades I had to make after Bane caved in half the place? Right.

✔ “Luxury Amenities” – I’m sorry, does a crime-fighting supercomputer count as a “home office” now?

✔ “Increased Market Value” – Gotham real estate is up? Since when? Half the city is rubble every other month.

What Are the Tax Consequences?

1. Higher Property Taxes (Obviously)

Gotham’s property tax rate is already absurdly high (no thanks to corruption, but that’s another rant). Now, thanks to this “updated assessment,” my tax bill is going way up.

• Old Property Value: Absurd

• New Property Value: Even more absurd

• New Tax Bill: A crime in itself

2. Possible Tax Deductions (Not That It Helps)

Fine. There are some small tax benefits:

✔ Property Taxes Are Deductible – I can write off some of this nonsense on my federal taxes, but thanks to the SALT deduction limit, it barely helps.

✔ Home Office Deduction? – If I were a normal person, I could deduct my workspace. But considering my “workspace” is a military-grade underground crime lab, I doubt the IRS will approve it.

✔ Business Use of Home? – If I list Wayne Manor as an official “business property,” maybe. But then I’d be filing even more paperwork, and I’d rather punch the Riddler.

3. Will This Trigger an Audit?

Possibly. Because nothing screams “IRS red flag” like someone trying to claim a literal cave as a business expense.

Last time I wrote off a Batplane as “business travel,” I got a very aggressive letter from the IRS. I don’t need that again.

How I’m Fighting Back

1️⃣ Appeal the Assessment – Property assessments aren’t final. I’m filing an appeal because there’s no way my property value actually increased when Gotham’s crime rate is at record highs.

2️⃣ Find Legal Loopholes – There has to be some ridiculous real estate exemption that lets me deduct “fortified underground lairs.” I’ll find it.

3️⃣ Look Into Tax Incentives – Gotham offers historic property tax credits. Wayne Manor is definitely historic. Maybe I can use that.

Final Verdict: This Is War

I fight crime for free. The least Gotham could do is not rob me through property taxes.

This isn’t over. The city tax office is about to have a very bad day.