Audits are rare but when they happen you need to stay in control. Below is a list of things the Dark Knight should never say if he wants to win that fight.

1. “I’m Batman—do you really think you can intimidate me?”

While it might be tempting to assert your caped identity, remember: the audit room isn’t Gotham’s rooftop. Bragging about your alter ego won’t earn you a free pass from paperwork.

2. “Justice is served on my watch, not by your petty penalties!”

Channeling your crusading spirit is admirable—but mixing in grand declarations of vigilante justice with tax law only paints you as an uncooperative renegade.

3. “I fight criminals, not accountants—so you’re out of your depth!”

Even if the IRS seems as relentless as Gotham’s underworld, dismissing their expertise with a snide remark can only escalate the situation. Respect the process, no matter how tedious.

4. “My Batcave has better security than this interrogation room!”

Comparing your lair’s state-of-the-art tech to the IRS’s procedures might be your favorite boast—but during an audit, such a quip risks coming off as defiant rather than impressive.

5. “I don’t have time for your red tape—I’ve got a city to save!”

While every minute counts in your nightly crusade, an audit isn’t the time to underscore your superhero schedule. Focus on the facts rather than your legendary obligations.

Remember, even if the IRS might make you feel like you’re facing off against Gotham’s most formidable villains, keeping your cool (and your answers professional) is the only way to ensure that the audit doesn’t turn into a battle of egos. Stay focused, stay respectful—and let your trusted CPA (your financial Alfred) handle the heavy lifting.