I don’t have time for this. Gotham is crawling with crime, the Justice League is barely holding it together, and now I find out that Superman owes back child support.

Yes, you read that right. The Man of Steel. The Boy Scout. The symbol of truth and justice. Turns out, even he isn’t above falling behind on court-ordered payments. And now? The IRS is involved.

How This Happened

I don’t ask Clark about his personal life. Frankly, I don’t want to know. But somewhere along the way, he either:

1. Didn’t pay what he owed, or

2. Ignored the legal system, assuming he was too busy saving the world for them to come after him.

Wrong. The IRS always comes after you.

What the IRS Can Do to Him

Super-speed won’t save him. Heat vision won’t help. Because when you owe back child support, the government has several ways to make your life miserable.

Here’s what Clark is facing:

1. Wage Garnishment

• If Superman earns income under his Clark Kent identity, the IRS can take it before he even sees a paycheck.

• Up to 65% of his earnings can be withheld if he’s seriously behind.

• If The Daily Planet thought they had payroll issues before, just wait until the feds get involved.

2. Tax Refund Seizure

• Any tax refund Clark was expecting? Gone. Automatically redirected to pay child support debt.

• If he thought he was getting money back this year, he’s about to be disappointed.

3. Bank Levies

• The IRS has the power to freeze and drain his accounts to cover what he owes.

• And if Superman thinks he can hide his money in the Fortress of Solitude, he’s in for a surprise. The IRS doesn’t need a key—they have court orders.

4. Revoked Passport

• If Clark ever planned to take a break from saving Metropolis and leave the country, too bad.

• The government can suspend his passport until he pays up. So unless he plans to fly himself across international borders, he’s grounded.

5. Jail Time

• In extreme cases, failure to pay child support can lead to contempt charges and jail.

• Superman, in federal prison. Wouldn’t that be something?

The Lesson? Pay Your Damn Bills.

Superman saves the world on a regular basis. But apparently, he can’t save himself from child support enforcement.

I have no sympathy. If I can handle taxes, payroll, and financial obligations while also running Gotham’s entire crime-fighting operation, Clark can handle sending a check every month.

If he doesn’t? Well, the IRS is stronger than kryptonite. And they don’t care if you’re Earth’s greatest hero.

Truth, justice, and paying what you owe. That’s the real American way.