I don’t have time for this. Gotham is a war zone. The League is stretched thin. And now, I find out that Superman is using the Fortress of Solitude to hide income overseas.

Yes, you heard that right. The so-called Man of Steel is trying to run an offshore tax shelter… in the Arctic.

I thought Clark was smarter than this. Apparently, I was wrong.

Why He Thinks This Will Work

The Fortress of Solitude is in international waters, technically outside any one country’s jurisdiction. Superman, in his infinite wisdom, assumed that meant the IRS couldn’t touch his money.

He was wrong.

Here’s what he did:

• Funneled his Justice League earnings into Kryptonian “trusts.”

• Stored assets in a location not recognized by any government.

• Tried to classify the Fortress as a “foreign entity” to avoid reporting requirements.

This is worse than Green Arrow’s Panama shell companies.

Why It Won’t Work

Superman may be able to outrun a bullet, but he can’t outrun the IRS.

1. Worldwide Income Is Taxable – The U.S. taxes citizens on global income. It doesn’t matter if the money is in Metropolis, the Moon, or a giant ice palace. If you earn it, you owe taxes on it.

2. FBAR and FATCA Compliance – If Superman has more than $10,000 in foreign accounts, he’s legally required to report them to the Treasury Department. Hiding assets in a Kryptonian vault? Still reportable.

3. Tax Evasion Is a Felony – The IRS doesn’t care that Superman saves the world. If they classify this as intentional tax fraud, he could face:

• Fines up to $500,000

• Prison time (yes, even for Superman)

• Massive back taxes with interest

4. The IRS Has No Sense of Humor – Clark thinks he can argue that the Fortress is a “non-sovereign alien entity.” He’s even got Martian Manhunter looking into extraterrestrial tax loopholes. It won’t work.

What Happens Next?

Now Superman has to:

1. File amended returns before the IRS audits him.

2. Report the Fortress as a foreign asset (yes, seriously).

3. Move his money back into legitimate accounts before they freeze it.

Final Thoughts

I don’t have the time or patience to deal with Superman’s offshore tax evasion schemes. But if he thinks he can beat the IRS because he’s an alien, he’s about to get a reality check.

Because when it comes to taxes, there’s no hiding—even in the Fortress of Solitude.